Sunday, October 27, 2013

Within Me

I carry happiness and sadness 
with me through the day.
They are good company 
stay with me like quiet pets.

Sometimes they flutter 
wanting to jump out
triggering memories 
of joy and sorrow.
lifting my spirits
or pushing me to the very edge.
But they stay with me, 
like faithful companions.

In my travels,
People come to listen
seek inspiration
Needing to feel 
the world is still a happy place to be in!

They hear me, my stories 
Feel inspired, get energized.
They come to hear me 
someone telling them,
"He's my hero! You should hear what he says!"

I carry that responsibility
Even in my most vulnerable moments, 
with sincerity and gratitude. 

I am mostly honest 
Carrying my heart on my sleeve.
Being myself is part of that responsibility,
Being vulnerable at times 
with Honesty and Failures
with insecurities and frailties.
They see bits of them in my story
and sometimes people melt 
with my humble take on life
some say, 
I talk like a 70 yr old 
in the body of the 32 yr old 
and heart of a 9 yr old.
I accept it all
with gratitude. 

Inspite, 
it is in moments of loneliness,
sadness emerges from his shadows
almost creeps behind me 
catching me unaware.

I am glad, 
like a faithful companion 
It creeps in only when I am alone
sometimes, it scares me 
and I avoid being alone,
I like knowing its there, 
but don't like it all over me.

In those moments, 
all I wish is to curl up
or jump off the window of the highest floor
or drown in the seas
or jump onto a moving train

At times like these, 
I look up seeking
wishing to have someone near
not finding, 
I hang onto sadness
sometimes drop a tear
Beginning to lose them too,
they don't come easy anymore
leaving me more lonely
with, ofcourse, sadness
to give me company.

I dread,
its got a secret goal,
creating a hole 
deep in my heart,
making me cold as a stone
and empty too 
drying me of feelings
feeding itself on me
slowly and determinedly.

One of these days
It will engulf me for good

Strange is my day,
while I inspire the world around me,
I feel empty deep within me!

~ 20th November 2010

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