A Walk Home

Clear blue skies
sneaking in through
a canopy of gulmohurs
summer temperatures
cooling in twilight
seemed like a walk
I would remember

A man lay
motionless
in muck and water
dead or drunk
I wish not enquire
passed him by
not wanting to
break my reverie
of a pleasant walk home

Paused

a moment longer

what if

pushed the thought away

walking

A man

relieving himself
further ahead
Darkening a wall
well abused before
flashing his member
in nonchalant entitlement

A man spat
on a tree trunk
owning it
not noticing
the Giant cringe
in hapless subdue

Revelers ahead
snacking with abandon
against uncollected
garbage from days bygone
feeding flies
in service
of furthering their species
helping its mission

a flowing drain

A pup ahead
ah! some relief
in his playful swagger
hungry he seemed
rummaging!
pity I took
needing to uplift
my waning mood
biscuits would do the trick
a kick he got
from a passing man
scurried the mongrel
into a drain petrified

leaving the biscuits untouched

Sigh! for wanting
a happy ending

A carcass ahead
Burnt to the bone

unrecognisable its species
An old mongrel
gnawing at it
with ferocious hunger

Keeping some biscuits near
I hurried away
Not wanting to plant
the image of man's
indignity to another species

Looked up
in search of stratocumulus
beyond the gulmohurs
only enveloping darkness
engulfing my being
in silent triumph

A walk home
in sullen silence
was all that I managed

On Seeking

As night falls
and my eyes droop
I am awake
Seeking

I find myself
running
through
mysterious rooms
dark alleys
unending spaces
and unknown cities
Seeking

I know not
what I seek
some nights
its relationships
long forgotten
on other nights
it answers to life
unnerving

Some nights
its destinations
on other nights
its journeys
some nights
its hope
on other nights
its desperation
some nights
its you
on other nights
I seek myself
Some nights
its answers
on other nights
its questions

Every night
as I hit the bed
hoping for
a dreamless sleep
I find myself
wide awake
Seeking

It's frantic
never-ending
desperate
tiring
hardwork
this Seeking

and yet

every night
as I get closer
to my Seeking
the world awakes
waking me in its fold
and putting to sleep
my Seeking
for yet another night

Within Me

I carry happiness and sadness 
with me through the day.
They are good company 
stay with me like quiet pets.

Sometimes they flutter 
wanting to jump out
triggering memories 
of joy and sorrow.
lifting my spirits
or pushing me to the very edge.
But they stay with me, 
like faithful companions.

In my travels,
People come to listen
seek inspiration
Needing to feel 
the world is still a happy place to be in!

They hear me, my stories 
Feel inspired, get energized.
They come to hear me 
someone telling them,
"He's my hero! You should hear what he says!"

I carry that responsibility
Even in my most vulnerable moments, 
with sincerity and gratitude. 

I am mostly honest 
Carrying my heart on my sleeve.
Being myself is part of that responsibility,
Being vulnerable at times 
with Honesty and Failures
with insecurities and frailties.
They see bits of them in my story
and sometimes people melt 
with my humble take on life
some say, 
I talk like a 70 yr old 
in the body of the 32 yr old 
and heart of a 9 yr old.
I accept it all
with gratitude. 

Inspite, 
it is in moments of loneliness,
sadness emerges from his shadows
almost creeps behind me 
catching me unaware.

I am glad, 
like a faithful companion 
It creeps in only when I am alone
sometimes, it scares me 
and I avoid being alone,
I like knowing its there, 
but don't like it all over me.

In those moments, 
all I wish is to curl up
or jump off the window of the highest floor
or drown in the seas
or jump onto a moving train

At times like these, 
I look up seeking
wishing to have someone near
not finding, 
I hang onto sadness
sometimes drop a tear
Beginning to lose them too,
they don't come easy anymore
leaving me more lonely
with, ofcourse, sadness
to give me company.

I dread,
its got a secret goal,
creating a hole 
deep in my heart,
making me cold as a stone
and empty too 
drying me of feelings
feeding itself on me
slowly and determinedly.

One of these days
It will engulf me for good

Strange is my day,
while I inspire the world around me,
I feel empty deep within me!

~ 20th November 2010