Showing posts with label gender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gender. Show all posts

Thursday, July 1, 2021

Men, So Much We Get Away With

He is a charmer

Always impeccably dressed

An air of mystery about him

Young boys dream of becoming him

She was caught hook line and sinker

In his unfailing charm

 

Their wedding was a dream

Stuff of legend

Marriage was another story all-together

Everyone overlooked

As he made bad business decisions

Took to alcohol and gambling

Daily beatings followed

Made life a living hell for her

 

She tried to walk away

But they sent her back

He is your family now

Give him a child

And change he will

She bore him one

A son sewn in his cloth

 

He only got worse

Till one day, he ended his life

Could no longer handle

His bad decisions

Mounting debts

And the threats of lenders

Leaving her

To pick up the broken pieces

Of his failures

 

Her family

Still only remembers

How charming he was.

 

He was born to greatness

Far he will go

In furthering the family name

He grew up believing

Special he was

A business he inherited

Like he deserved it

Not having earned it

 

She grew up in a village

Under the watchful eyes

Of her father and brothers

 

Their families

Brought them together

With love and expectations

 

Work is all he did

Running a successful business

For 50 years

From dawn until dusk

Three lovely children

She bore him

And that was that

Her place in his life

 

In the dusk of his life

A living hell she experienced

As he demanded care

For a deteriorating body

 

With guilty relief she sighed

On his passing

No more abuses

In the twilight of her life

 

‘Maybe, I can live a little now’

Only to realize

She does not know

How to live

For herself

Anymore.

 

As a young boy

He saw men around him

Treated like gods

And so, he believed

About himself

 

They married her to him

For a decent man he was

A breadwinner, a mother

A confidante and a dutiful wife

She was meant to be

Forty years hence too

 

He failed as a husband and father

Unavailable as he was

Physically and emotionally

 

He hid his own failures

In the power he had over her

Controlling her desires and aspirations

With disdain and jealousy

In silent micro-aggressions

That kept his decent façade intact

 

It has been years since

He contributed anything financially

To run a family of seven

Yet, an inflated sense

Of his own contribution he carries

 

Never a broom

He has ever lifted

Or a soap to do the dishes

 

Like two strangers

They lead their lives

Yet,

She can’t admit to herself

She is possibly better off

Without him

 

For, who is she

Without his family name

Slowly and steadily

Her identity eroded

In service of her man

 

Not a word of criticism

She can take against him

For a God he is

As her mother taught her

And Gods don’t have flaws

Even as they make her life

A living hell.

 

He is a school dropout

From an illustrious business family

Carrying the family name forward

She is a double graduate

From a family barely surviving

It’s her angelic looks that win him over

 

Within days in the marriage

She knows her place

Kitchen it will be

For the rest of her life

It has become her place to be

In silence

In service of him and his family

 

The abuses started

Soon after the honeymoon

And have continued hence

 

The more he failed

The more violent he became

Society understood

Empathized even

Isn’t he trying?

 

They looked the other way

When she woke up with bruises

Yet another morning

Lied that she fell off the bed

His reputation intact

For he was, after all

The darling of his and her family

 

For over three decades

She has stood by him

In his multiple failed businesses

Troubles with the law

Mistresses et al

Depression and Illness too

 

With grace and silence

Or is it fear

She stands by him

Even as he blames her

For his failures and misfortunes

 

Their kids couldn’t wait

To get out a minute too long

As they found escape routes

From an abusive father

They made their own choices

Hoping their lives would be better

Forgetting that they carry

The demons of their dad

In their own relationships

 

Men of all hues

The charmers

The businessmen

The decent ones

And the one with lineage

So much we get away with.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

The Patriarch - 2

He lost his dad at 13
A man he became
for his mother
and sisters
taking decisions
for their well-being
and future.

Working two jobs
He learnt the ways
of the world.

The role of the man
as provider
and protector
a role
that wasn't meant to be.

They looked upto him
for choices and decisions
when he didn't know better.

It was not about being right
but about taking the decision.

he got some right
and most wrong
Yet, it was he
who had to make them.

Marriage meant
more decisions
for an ever growing family

He setup a trade
with borrowed money
a risk
Yet, hopeful
for a change of tide.

His confidence came
from making decisions
even when they were
patriarchal.

A word
he didn't know
a life he lived
day on day.

He worked hard
knowing
he was the provider
food, clothes, et al
holding back
his desires
along the way.

Maybe someday
I will travel the world
for now
I need to save up
for college
for two aspiring offspring
who have dreams of their own.

Nothing but the best for my children
be it food, clothes or education
He was driven
by love or
was it expectation?

A rickety scooter
for most of his life
the same barber
the same tailor
My needs are but small
he convinced himself.

A car he bought once
for his growing family
much criticism
he endured
for being wasteful
and extravagant.

He missed
many a occasion
birthdays
and graduation
many a first
for his adorable lot
when he toiled
in the dusty folds
of an unforgiving trade.

He showed concern
for their choices
clothes they wore
parties they attended
friends they welcomed
life they chose
criticized he was
'what do you know'

He didn't...
The world was changing
his struggle was real
poverty
war
emergency
the changing governments
many an ideology
he had survived it all.

If just he could convey
how much he cared
having never learnt
how to say
how much he loved.

Silence and anger
were his two shields
his only way to
show he cared.

He kept to himself
isolated
yearning
for even in their
rejection
he was still the
provider and protector.

Head down
he worked his day
14 hours
for 61 years.

His time
meant dreams
for his loved ones.

Alone
in his toil
yet never
repentant.

His children
branded him
aloof
and unavailable
old-school
and an embarrassment
for his lack
of sophistication
in clothes and language.

In time,
they left him
to pursue their dreams
create their own worlds
make their own life
where he didn't belong.

In the twilight of his life
He sits on his armchair
drool escaping his lips
awaiting in conscious sleep
A patriarch
who wasn't.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Don't Educate Me Mom

Don't educate me mom
for I might have dreams
different from yours.

Don't educate me mom
for I might want to make choices
that will make you cringe.

Don't educate me mom
for I might want to take care of you
and choose not to marry.

Don't educate me mom
for I might stand up to dad
and reject his views.

Don't educate me mom
for I might fall in love
and embarrass your family.

Don't educate me mom
for I might have ambitions
greater than your aspirations.

Don't educate me mom
for you might not find a man
who respects an independent woman.

Don't educate me mom
for I might bring up my children
different to how you brought me up.

Don't educate me mom
for I might end up hurting you
when I make my own choice.

With education,
I will learn to think.
I will learn to form my opinions
and expand my horizons.
I will learn to build relationships
failing in some.
I will form my own values
and choose my own life journey.

Choose to keep me home,
my dear mom for I love you.

Educate me and
I will be
my own person
and lose your love.

A dedication to the many women in my life and work who are fighting to be their own person in their own families.