I Am My Relations

I am my relations

I come from
My burdens
My obligations
My responsibilities
And identities
That cage me

I come from
My desires
My needs
My aspirations
And incompletions
That fail me

I come from
My connections
And disconnections too

I come from
In me
Within me
Out me
And Other me

I come
From
The womb
The blood
And the soul
That embody me

I come from
The name
Of the family
And the caste
That birthed me

I come from
My neighbourhood
The smells and sights
The senses and noises
That shaped me

I come from
My work
My titles
My power
And the seats
That feed my ego

I come from
The streets of my childhood
The memories of my past
The food that I feed
And the body that I call mine

I come from
The grass
The flowers
And thorns
That nurture me

I, we, us
Aren't we one
Us, we, I
We are one

In oneness,
I am enough

Nostalgia

In a disturbed early morning slumber

a brewing desire 

and then it came

Nostalgia.

It's sweet fragrance

wafting into my senses

the pleasure of pain

from a time in childhood.

My senses beckoned me

I sought it out today

the familiar taste

Yum. Lemon rice it was.

The just crisped onions

the almost friend peanuts

the sweet tingling lime

simmered in a yellowed rice

ah! The lemon rice from my childhood.

It was a Sunday ritual

from our favourite joint

It had no name

like most good places.

Just known by its owner

Ranganna, he was

A balding, paunchy man

with a busy smile.

A packet of the glorious yellow

with a stingy sprinkling 

of spicy chutney

perfect for a Sunday morning.

Most times it was dad

who made the trip,

on his rickety Bajaj

sometimes, inviting me to join him.

We could never have a full packet

for we had to share, 

learnt to share

knowing to stay within our means.

Sometimes mom sneaking her share

onto a our emptying plate. 

while we savoured every bite

of the delicious Lemon Rice.

It was that kind of memory today.

While I got the lemon rice

the experience of family

on a Sunday morning

sharing the ritual

was sorely missing.

Each could have a packet-ful

and more

and yet, I sat there alone

eating my fill, amongst strangers. 

Wishing, pleading, seeking

my childhood to come back 

just for a moment

just for a moment.

so I could fret and fume

that I had to share 

and yet find joy 

in the sharing.

A silent prayer 

gratitude

to my father

for this childhood memory.

A memory

that rekindles Nostalgia

known only to someone

that still seeks.

Moments

I wish those moments would go away
just to ease the pain

Moments through the day,
atleast a dozen a hour
Moments
when memories come flashing back
bringing you with them.

Moments when I freeze
and ask the questions
why and why not
happy and sad all the same.

Moments
when I wish you near
hear you clear
sense you here
close to me
within me.

How I wish
those moments would go away
yet I wish they never do!

For, in those moments,
I have you in my life again
so what if its not you,
but just a memory in a moment.

~ 25th July 2010

I'm From...

I'm from my Mother...
the love in her bosom
the care in her punishment
the flavours in her food
the mystery in her ways
the trap in her emotions
her cunning ways and
her unparalleled love.

I'm from my Father...
the love in his hug
the pain in his disregard
the commitment in his sacrifice
the loneliness in his anger
the anxiety in his frustration
the unlove in his silence
the unfulfillment in his actions
his superstitions and
his honesty.

I'm from my Community
the noise, the people and the politics
the festivals, the colours and the smells
the crackers, the kites and holidays
the friends made and lost
the approvals sought
and rebellion discovered
the adventure and the fears
the mysteries and
the unknown.

I'm from Me
the magic of drawings
the fantasy of cartoons
the summers with comics
the day-dreaming and
the worlds yet to be discovered.

I'm from
the silence in the chaos
the chaos in the silence
the need to be seen
the need to be heard
the need to feel
and the need for approval.

I'm from
the undiscovered talents
the forgotten dreams
the unsaid angst
the friends I miss
and the stands untaken.

I'm from
the more,
the less
and everything in-between.

I'm.

~ October 2013