Ruffled Hair

Ruffled hair
unkempt shirt
holed shorts
sockless and
unlaced shoes
He walked
to school
looking down
staying invisible
Furtive glances
playing hide and seek
through piercing eyes
he makes his way
to his
daily torture.

A moment
longer
he awaits
becoming steely
sighing with
resignation
he enters
the rusted gate.

Whispers
become
full blown
laughter
as crowds
circle his
small frame.

Poking sticks
and furling stones
greet him
to this
temple of learning

Not one
touching him
disgusted as they are
by his unkempt being
and smelly
unbathed body
Holding noses
with
disgruntled noises
poke they do
and run as fast.

The brave ones
kicking him
around.
Quietly, he endures
It's momentary
right?
Not knowing
the trauma
has made
home
deep in his
body
for a
lifetime to come.

An invisible
corner
in a dingy room
he seeks
at best
hoping.

In he walks,
purposeful
Cane in tow
with
starched white
and pleated blacks
Shoes as
clean as new
and hair
gelled
nicely
into place.

Scans he
with disdain
his proteges
who await
in fearful silence
for their inevitable
turn.

Its always him,
sharp eyes
make the silhouette
of his
hidden frame
a glee
shone in his eyes.

Ram he roars!
sending shivers
down the
entire herd
his voice
booming
the cane plush
ready to fulfil
its master's bidding.

Not again,
groans Ram
Why do I
even try,
he walks
dragging his
unkempt being.

A swish
cuts through 

the still air
splitting skin 

in abused palms
Yet
another day
in paradise.

Feeling
exceptionally
generous
he demands
for parted cheeks
in between naked legs
Another swish
cuts the pregnant
air
tearing through
dark pink skin
in gleeful joy.

Ram holds
willing
himself,
'not for him
a single tear.'
Again and again
the master goes,
splitting cheeks
to expose bone
and broken spirit.

A silent tear
the class bully
too drops
as he
watches
this dance
of terror.

a gloomy day 
ensues
in dingy corridors
of broken walls
wailing
the loss of childhood
for yet 

another day.

Not one
ruffles his
hair
no more
staying away
from his smelly
unkempt being,
bloodied body
and
broken spirit.

Never again,
he promises
as he takes
his last step
out of the
hallowed
gates
of this
temple of ruin.

Years later,
as he brutalizes
his nth victim,
with swishes
of bloodied cane
robbed
years ago
from a soulless
master.

Long forgotten
his own
body scars
for they
have seeped
deep in his soul
showing him
the ways of
world
and
he in it.

His hair
stays ruffled
stays
forever ruffled!

A Walk Home

Clear blue skies
sneaking in through
a canopy of gulmohurs
summer temperatures
cooling in twilight
seemed like a walk
I would remember

A man lay
motionless
in muck and water
dead or drunk
I wish not enquire
passed him by
not wanting to
break my reverie
of a pleasant walk home

Paused

a moment longer

what if

pushed the thought away

walking

A man

relieving himself
further ahead
Darkening a wall
well abused before
flashing his member
in nonchalant entitlement

A man spat
on a tree trunk
owning it
not noticing
the Giant cringe
in hapless subdue

Revelers ahead
snacking with abandon
against uncollected
garbage from days bygone
feeding flies
in service
of furthering their species
helping its mission

a flowing drain

A pup ahead
ah! some relief
in his playful swagger
hungry he seemed
rummaging!
pity I took
needing to uplift
my waning mood
biscuits would do the trick
a kick he got
from a passing man
scurried the mongrel
into a drain petrified

leaving the biscuits untouched

Sigh! for wanting
a happy ending

A carcass ahead
Burnt to the bone

unrecognisable its species
An old mongrel
gnawing at it
with ferocious hunger

Keeping some biscuits near
I hurried away
Not wanting to plant
the image of man's
indignity to another species

Looked up
in search of stratocumulus
beyond the gulmohurs
only enveloping darkness
engulfing my being
in silent triumph

A walk home
in sullen silence
was all that I managed

Impulse

He saw an approaching train
An impulse
What if...

He took a tiny step forward
An impulse
What if...

His imagination
Having taken the step
Felt the thud
Deep in the bones
The crack of the skull
The mangled remains

All too quick
He watched his body
Disappear beneath

In a moment too soon
Life was sucked
disappearing soul

In a jolt
Back he was
The train
Sped past him
Leaving him sweaty
And shaken
Just a step behind

An impulse
Gone too soon...

Darkness Within

It creeps up slowly
When you least expect it
Where you least expect it

You feel the shift
Deep in your bones
In a moment of pause
Before the floodgates open

You wish it to go away
You will it go away
It takes over

A moment
Of vulnerability
Is all it needs
A thought
A feeling
A question
To own you again

In a perfectly sane day
It creeps in from within
Grabs you hard
And takes you down

Paralysed I was
In dissonance
Bright sunshine
Happy people around
And the enveloping darkness
Within

It gnaws at me
For hours on end
An epic battle
I know I will lose

I slump down
My body gives way
Succumbing
To the enveloping darkness

Frantically,
I seek
Threads to grab onto
Bits of happiness
Joy and laughter too
Memories of happier times
Love and friendships

The more I seek
The more futile
It seems
For those very thoughts
Feed this frenzy

Taking me down
To darkness within
That seems
Impossible
To rise out from

I give in!

The Patriarch - 2

He lost his dad at 13
A man he became
for his mother
and sisters
taking decisions
for their well-being
and future.

Working two jobs
He learnt the ways
of the world.

The role of the man
as provider
and protector
a role
that wasn't meant to be.

They looked upto him
for choices and decisions
when he didn't know better.

It was not about being right
but about taking the decision.

he got some right
and most wrong
Yet, it was he
who had to make them.

Marriage meant
more decisions
for an ever growing family

He setup a trade
with borrowed money
a risk
Yet, hopeful
for a change of tide.

His confidence came
from making decisions
even when they were
patriarchal.

A word
he didn't know
a life he lived
day on day.

He worked hard
knowing
he was the provider
food, clothes, et al
holding back
his desires
along the way.

Maybe someday
I will travel the world
for now
I need to save up
for college
for two aspiring offspring
who have dreams of their own.

Nothing but the best for my children
be it food, clothes or education
He was driven
by love or
was it expectation?

A rickety scooter
for most of his life
the same barber
the same tailor
My needs are but small
he convinced himself.

A car he bought once
for his growing family
much criticism
he endured
for being wasteful
and extravagant.

He missed
many a occasion
birthdays
and graduation
many a first
for his adorable lot
when he toiled
in the dusty folds
of an unforgiving trade.

He showed concern
for their choices
clothes they wore
parties they attended
friends they welcomed
life they chose
criticized he was
'what do you know'

He didn't...
The world was changing
his struggle was real
poverty
war
emergency
the changing governments
many an ideology
he had survived it all.

If just he could convey
how much he cared
having never learnt
how to say
how much he loved.

Silence and anger
were his two shields
his only way to
show he cared.

He kept to himself
isolated
yearning
for even in their
rejection
he was still the
provider and protector.

Head down
he worked his day
14 hours
for 61 years.

His time
meant dreams
for his loved ones.

Alone
in his toil
yet never
repentant.

His children
branded him
aloof
and unavailable
old-school
and an embarrassment
for his lack
of sophistication
in clothes and language.

In time,
they left him
to pursue their dreams
create their own worlds
make their own life
where he didn't belong.

In the twilight of his life
He sits on his armchair
drool escaping his lips
awaiting in conscious sleep
A patriarch
who wasn't.

I Am Me

A word I heard often
Yet never understood
till the I day I felt it
a murmur from somewhere inside

I looked in the mirror
and there I saw it
A Narcissist no doubt

I shuddered
I looked away
and looked again
a little more intently now
Hoping it would be a mirage
My eyes playing tricks on me
or maybe a faulty mirror

No such luck
There he stood
in the Mirror
proud and mocking

I have been in you
In your self-centered
self-absorbed
self,
all your life.

Surprised?
Have you not met me before?
I have resided
In your heart and soul
and you have been the one
to feed me
Everyday

In every I
I have grown stronger

You believed you were different
kind, generous and ego-less
that has worked fine for me
for the lesser you know me
the more I have known you

When everything was about you
no empathy for the other
replaced her need with yours
her emotions for yours
proudly I said,
I am Me
A Narcissist

I am as You are
the Narcissist
living your pathetic life
in service of I

~ September 2013