On Missing

I am in love or
am I in love 

with the idea of love?
I often wonder...

I miss her
More Importantly
I miss being 

a part of her life
feeling wanted, desired, needed
feeling that I mattered to someone

I miss her most
for things,
I loved doing with her
and for her

I miss most
the feeling
that I was 
in someone's life
Now, 
I am not!

~ 25th July 2010.
These are posts I wrote on a tissue sitting at a local bar in Prague in January 2010. 

Dread Going Back

Dread, I do, Going back

for more reasons than one.

Here, anonymous

a nobody!

Back home,

somebody's dream

somebody's expectations

somebody's boss

somebody's ex-love

Dread, I do, going back

to the same morning

the same day

the same responsibilities

the same burdens

Dread, I do, going back

to being a boss

a manager

a torch-bearer 
of a thousand expectations

Dread, I do, going back

to being a son

a friend

a man of the world again

Dread, I do, going back

to the days
of memories
of familiar streets
of familiar people
of familiar love
longing in its want.

Dread, I do, going back

knowing fully well

she will not await me

neither will she be around

to share my life with me

Dread, I do, going back

to not loving.
wishing it
desperately
not allowing.

Dread, I do, going back 

to who I am!

Stay here, I wish

a stranger
a nobody.

~ 25th July 2010.

These are posts I wrote on a tissue sitting at a local bar in Prague in January 2010.