I Am Not Odd, I Am Unique

From dust and toil I was Born
To the same Mother as my brother.

Yet I am different and he is not
He is the pearl of her eye
I am the coal untouched.

He laughs, plays and makes merry
I wash, clean and work for him.

He studies
I work.

He lives
I hope to live.

Will it always be like this?
Yes says my Mom. 
You are a girl, he a boy
You are a curse, he a boon
You live for him, he lives!

I wish to be ME
Not me as the world says
I dream but with limits
I wish to be free to dream!

Am I odd, I ask
He replies, 
"You are not odd my child
You are unique,
Just like all else,
You are one in a Billion
Born to laugh, smile and live
You Will my child."

~ 5th February 2005. My first poem.

Loneliness

Have you ever felt lonely
in the midst of fulfillment?
in the midst of a crowd?
in love?
in passion?

Have you ever felt lonely
in the midst of achievement?
in the midst of recognition?
in time, time and again?
in spaces, here and there?

Loneliness,
how you reside in my life now
growing on me day and night
every second and minute

I wonder if there is a reason
as there is with everything else

Loneliness,
why have you chosen me
constant and ever there?

~ 2nd September 2008

Snow

Something about this snow

That's beautiful and calming

Like a white blanket
Healing the earth.

Stands still and calm

To protect and say I care

Something about this snow tells me

There is still hope in this world.

Cupid Again

Its not been a month
Cupid has reared its face again,
Enticing me,
Titillating me,
With the illusions of the world

It presents me opportunities
Where none existed earlier
It makes my heart tug
At every bench round the corner

The world my playground
and I its only player.

Yet, I wish one wish.
Take me back to my beloved
And make her love me again!

Cupid! Are you listening?

~ 19th February 2010

Vulnerable Me

Vulnerable with indecision.

Vulnerable with low self-esteem

Oh vulnerable me!

A dream to fulfill and thorns in the path

I take them away but worry I might hurt them

I hurt, the thorns continue to grow, 

Entrenched on the path of my dream
Oh vulnerable me!

I have bigger goals, I plead

I get caught in today.

I wish to get through

It never wishes to leave me.

Oh vulnerable me!

It wants more,
demands more,
needs more,
I let it hang around
Yet another day
Oh vulnerable me!

My goal goes farther

My dream eludes me

Oh Vulnerable me!

Makes me live in indecision

and makes me its slave.

I wish to unshackle!

I wish to unshackle

from vulnerable me.

~ 19th February 2010

Unfulfilled

I really wish I could be at peace with unfulfilled love.
Keep the memories.
Keep the love.
Be at peace.
Be.

Can I call this eternal hope. Maybe.
Do I want to have hope. Definitely.
Will that close lives many possibilities? Absolutely.
Yet, all I want to be with is unfulfilled love.

Is it my love for pain?
Has pain that has become a representation of love?
Is Pain and Love the one and same?

Is the ache more familiar to let go?
I seem to prefer the pain 
to the possibilities of new beginnings.

Maybe, I am a person of the past.
I don’t look at the gift of the present.
The past has pain and I want to keep it.
Is that so difficult to understand.

Isn't there optimism in unfulfillment?
Why let go when I CAN keep it.
Everyone around me says let go.
I can let go of most things – life, death, dreams.
Why let go of longing for love. 
This is the only thing 
that's absolutely, completely mine

I wish to keep it.
Nurture it. Delight in it.
Keep it as my elixir of life.

Oh! Unfulfilled love. Stay with me.
Lets be friends and nurture each other.
Don’t you listen to the voices of reason.
This is yours. Keep it.

There is peace and happiness
In keeping the pain of unfulfilled love.

~ 11th July 2013

Walking Away

When you look out the window
You will see me walk away.
Far from you and from our love
Into nothingness and oblivion.

You will not be able to stop me
even if thats all you wish
For my place in your life
is over forever.

You helped me find love
Now I need to unlearn love.

You helped me find companionship
Now I seek loneliness again.

As with everything in life,
I learn to embrace
sorrow that follows happiness.

When you look out the window
you will find me gone
Me and my shadow
forever from your life!

I found love in your embrace
and pain in your rejection.

I found myself in your eyes
and lost myself in your demands.

I found wholesomeness in your companionship
and also emptiness in your faraway gaze.

Time to move on
Free you from the one
that curtails your dreams.

Time to move on
to let your dreams soar
and find their home.

Time to not hold back
but let go.

For in your happiness,
I know I will find mine.
In your dreams,
I will find my peace.

So what, if in our time together
we discovered our dreams are different
atleast we discovered our dreams.

So what, if in our togetherness
we discovered who we are not
atleast now we can seek who we are.

So what, if in our togetherness
we discovered our differences
atleast now we can find one to love.

When you look out the window
you will see me gone,
myself and my shadow, 
forever
leaving no trace
of even our memories.

We can start our journeys again,
our journeys of love and discovery
so what,
if its not together.

~ 13th July 2010