Sunday, August 13, 2017

The Patriarch - 2

He lost his dad at 13
A man he became
for his mother
and sisters
taking decisions
for their well-being
and future.

Working two jobs
He learnt the ways
of the world.

The role of the man
as provider
and protector
a role
that wasn't meant to be.

They looked upto him
for choices and decisions
when he didn't know better.

It was not about being right
but about taking the decision.

he got some right
and most wrong
Yet, it was he
who had to make them.

Marriage meant
more decisions
for an ever growing family

He setup a trade
with borrowed money
a risk
Yet, hopeful
for a change of tide.

His confidence came
from making decisions
even when they were
patriarchal.

A word
he didn't know
a life he lived
day on day.

He worked hard
knowing
he was the provider
food, clothes, et al
holding back
his desires
along the way.

Maybe someday
I will travel the world
for now
I need to save up
for college
for two aspiring offspring
who have dreams of their own.

Nothing but the best for my children
be it food, clothes or education
He was driven
by love or
was it expectation?

A rickety scooter
for most of his life
the same barber
the same tailor
My needs are but small
he convinced himself.

A car he bought once
for his growing family
much criticism
he endured
for being wasteful
and extravagant.

He missed
many a occasion
birthdays
and graduation
many a first
for his adorable lot
when he toiled
in the dusty folds
of an unforgiving trade.

He showed concern
for their choices
clothes they wore
parties they attended
friends they welcomed
life they chose
criticized he was
'what do you know'

He didn't...
The world was changing
his struggle was real
poverty
war
emergency
the changing governments
many an ideology
he had survived it all.

If just he could convey
how much he cared
having never learnt
how to say
how much he loved.

Silence and anger
were his two shields
his only way to
show he cared.

He kept to himself
isolated
yearning
for even in their
rejection
he was still the
provider and protector.

Head down
he worked his day
14 hours
for 61 years.

His time
meant dreams
for his loved ones.

Alone
in his toil
yet never
repentant.

His children
branded him
aloof
and unavailable
old-school
and an embarrassment
for his lack
of sophistication
in clothes and language.

In time,
they left him
to pursue their dreams
create their own worlds
make their own life
where he didn't belong.

In the twilight of his life
He sits on his armchair
drool escaping his lips
awaiting in conscious sleep
A patriarch
who wasn't.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

The Patriarch - 1

He sits on his armchair
drool escaping his lips
sitting in conscious sleep
in his created kingdom

'Takeaway the plates,
you bitch'
He roars
wanting to control
his waning patriarchy
in the twilight of his life

She does his bidding
grumbling under her breath
making sure he heard
yet a whisper
he cannot decipher

He growls
taking control back
This is my household
My kingdom

He sits on his armchair
eyes like a hawk
letting his sons know
who is still the boss
Dangling the keys
to the shop and the locker
He controls the money
Not trusting his sons
who have adult sons
of their own now

He sits on his armchair
remote in his hand
watching the news
or the chants of
long gone Gods
Its his time
every morning
every evening
His children fidget
wishing to catch a movie
or the new series
waiting for him to give up
sitting on his arm chair
just once
to give them the joy
of a stolen movie
in a kingdom, he owns

He sits on his armchair
reading the newspaper
all morning
She brings him his morning tea
and clears the table
She brings him his breakfast
and clears the table
He commands
Clean this shelf
Clear that sofa
Make this for lunch
expecting his voice
to be heard
even if she is busy
making the morning work
for her school going children
and her chosen God

He sits on his armchair
crushing dreams
with a dismissive hand

'No more education for you
Go sit in the shop
and learn the trade
Too much education
will make you lazy
learn to earn
just like I did
working hard
day and night
loading gunny bags
See the scars
that make me a man
its your turn now'

'A designer you say
what crap of work is that
a real man
works at the shop
commanding
minions and owning his kingdom'

He ignores his pleas
and the silent stifles
a boy being forced to manhood
before his time

A patriarch is born
in the crushing of dreams

He sits in his armchair
sipping his third tea
She stands meakly
hoping against hope
He ponders with forgone conclusion

'Study as much as you would like
but work is not for you
Girls in our family
don't go out to work
Haven't we provided
enough for you
that you seek to earn
and bring shame
to the family name

Do what you wish to
once you are married
Your husband will decide
whether you will live your dreams'

One fine day
He doesn't wake up
sitting on his armchair
drool escaping his lips

A new Patriarch
takes the armchair
and so it is...

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Forgetting

A life of familiarity,
I lived for long

I had an identity
as a daughter
a sister
a wife
a friend
a neighbor
a satsangi
and much more

A life of familiarity
a home I called my own
utensils, clothes, bed et al
a neighborhood
with familiar streets and faces
shared memories of
food, smiles and sorrows

A life of familiarity
with a known loneliness
and nurtured grace
where hunger reminded me
of the passing of time

A life of familiarity
with roaches for company
and a cupboard full of memories
that I re-arranged day by day
pictures from a time long gone
belonging in the now and present

Then, one day
the familiarity
began to fade away
into dark corners
beyond my reach

Sometimes
a light would flash
and memories would come
and then the blankness again!

The streets became unfamiliar
The pictures blurry
The faces strange

I roamed the streets
of my life
lost in gaze and fear

Willed my fading memory
to flicker once more
for the final glimpse
of my loving man

Confused I lived
as chaos ruled my day
not remembering
if I have eaten a meal
or had a bath
on this fine summer morning

Once, a life of familiarity
Now I am invisible
to my own being

A care home they call it
a space for me
to feel familiar again
where I get a bed
food and some company

I had been to one
as a young girl
reading stories to them
and sharing some laughter
taking pictures to share
with friends and family
and feel purposeful and content

Those pictures had me
and many an invisible face
with a story I concocted on my own
must be a sad story I believed
How else could I feel good
about giving my time and of myself.
a sad story it has to be

Life has come a full circle
I am the invisible face
in someone else's frame

I have an identity
One more to the list...
Forgetful Ajji
with a toothless smile
and a concocted sad story

The Locksmith

A locksmith I saw today
Content in his trade
A young man
With an old soul

A locksmith I saw today
At the 4th Block junction
A teenage boy
Setting up shop
With love and care

Slow and still
Deep in his own world
Amidst the rising morning traffic

Unaware to the world
Fully present to himself
And his vocation

He invested
His entire being
In setting up his shop

Slow he was
As he removed the locks
Arranged them for display
And then came the keys
Beauty in his actions
Content on his face

Then came his tools
And his work board
Slow and poised
The world slowed around him

A locksmith I saw today
Content in his trade
A young man
With an old soul