On Seeking

As night falls
and my eyes droop
I am awake
Seeking

I find myself
running
through
mysterious rooms
dark alleys
unending spaces
and unknown cities
Seeking

I know not
what I seek
some nights
its relationships
long forgotten
on other nights
it answers to life
unnerving

Some nights
its destinations
on other nights
its journeys
some nights
its hope
on other nights
its desperation
some nights
its you
on other nights
I seek myself
Some nights
its answers
on other nights
its questions

Every night
as I hit the bed
hoping for
a dreamless sleep
I find myself
wide awake
Seeking

It's frantic
never-ending
desperate
tiring
hardwork
this Seeking

and yet

every night
as I get closer
to my Seeking
the world awakes
waking me in its fold
and putting to sleep
my Seeking
for yet another night

On Belonging

I don't like it here

Not the chaos

Not the noise

See, right here,

Noise everywhere

Where is the space

for silence

Back home

I sit on my land

and for as far as I can see

I feel silence

I don't like it here

People don't talk

They have no time

to say hello

to smile

Back home

everyone smiles

we say hello

We walk through our village

and we connect with people

We share our stories

and listen some more

I don't like it here

The food tastes funny

and the veggies are stale

I know it

I am a farmer

Back home

I grow my veggies and rice

and catch fresh fish

from the stream

See, how healthy I am

Fresh food

cooked with love

eaten with family

I don't like it here

It makes me forget home

and its smells

Nothing familiar here

somedays

I am a stranger to myself

Back home

I know me

A year and two more

I will back home soon

to my family

to my food

to my farm

and to my silence

Sigh! Soon!

Voice of our security guard at office who is from a village in Karimganj district, Assam

Here You Belong, Go Find Your Bed

Dim, dark streets
What am I looking for?
What am I running from?
Running to

There is a excitement in the fear
Is it the seeking that urges me on?
Or the instinct to find, to belong

I run through the back alleys
Knowing not where to turn
Yet my body moves
Knowing
Taking me to where I need to be

A building
Like none I have seen before
Crumbling yet alive, buzzing
Tall like holding many secrets
A city within itself

I run
Bodies all around
In the doorways and alleys
In the corridors and stacks of rooms
The small, the big, the round and the Mis-shapen

I run
Towards them or away from them
I know not
But I run
Passing their empty eyes
They look through
Not seeing me
Yet knowing me
Intimately like a lover

Their gaze
It's perturbing
Wanting
Needing
Surprisingly loving

I run
Floor after floor
A never ending maze
Of bodies and eyes

I reach the pinnacle
A spectacle of a million bodies
Adults and children
The able and disabled
In decay and yet thriving
A sea of humanity

I hope and seek sadness
I find only joy and laughter
I assume decadence
Yet in their poverty
I find thriving
I look, I seek, I wonder
Confused with this wondrous unreality

A kid
With a smile
I haven't known in life
A body so frail
Yet eyes so alive

"Here you belong,
Go find your bed!"

And bang
I am awake
In my one dimensional world
Struggling to belong
Yearning to go back
To the land of decay and alive!

On Surviving

Sometimes
It's not a life of purpose

Sometimes
It's not a life less ordinary

Sometimes
It's not the spectacular in life

Sometimes
It's the surviving,
The waking up,
The being alive!

We are the survivors

And sometimes
It's just celebrating that!

Tottering On My Two Little Feet

Tottering on my two little feet,
I walk this world
I know not happiness
I know not pain
Everything is new
Everything a discovery
The scraps, mud and stones
The muck and broken glass too
I lift all, put some in my mouth
Some make me smile
Some make me frown
Some feed my hunger
Some make me ill

Tottering on my two little feet,
I walk this world
In untidy clothes
And happy grin
I rest under trees
On my mom's bony lap
The leaves caress me
Putting me to a dreamless sleep

Tottering on my two little feet,
I walk this world
A game we play
My mom and I
Finding food
In places new
Some on strewn packets
Some under muddy stones
In corners and garbage bins too
Oh how exciting!
Good we are
In our daily adventure

A sister I will have soon
Says my mom
Oh! How exciting
The places I can't wait to show her
That special bin with always a surprise
The tree that I love to hug
And the dog that wags and licks me
The traffic light where I always get shiny coins

Oh! What a wonderful world
Isn't it!!
So much to see, feel and live
Then, why doesn't my mom smile?

Tick Tock Clickety Clock

Tick Tock Clickety Clock
Says the chiming clock
with a twang of the passing hour

Hold on a bit long long
My task list is full yet
No closer to finish yet

Tick Tock Clickety Clock
Says my body Clock
With a yawn and ache

Hold on a bit long long
My task list is full yet
No closer to finish yet

Tick Tock Clickety Clock
Says the Sun over the Horizon
disappearing without a trace

Hold on a bit long long
My task list is full yet
No closer to finish yet

Tick Tock Clickety Clock
Says my door man
showing keys in my face

Hold on a bit long long
My task list is full yet
No closer to finish yet

Tick Tock Clickety Clock
Say the rushing commuters
getting home to loved ones

Oh Go away you task list
Not your slave I wish to be
Tick Tock Clickety Clock
Off I go into my dream space
Where task lists have no place!